It's Time For You To Stop Abusing Yourself With Secret Failures

Are you an abuser?  I'll answer for you.  Yes, you are.  And so am I.  C'mon, admit it.  You've been an abuser for a long time.  You've become an "expert abuser".  In fact, you're being abusive right now.  And if that's not you, you were being abusive just before you started reading my post.  Still not you?  Sit tight.  I've got you covered too.  You're going to abuse yourself after you finish reading my post.  See, I know you.  I know all about you and your abusive behavior.  I used to be you.  I was an awful abuser.  An abuser of the worst sort.

I was the worst!  I'd rage and rant.  I'd denigrate and degrade.  I'd deride and dismiss.  Nothing was ever good enough for me.  Even when things were perfect it still wasn't good enough.  "It should have been done this way!”, I'd chide.  "Are you ever going to get this right?!”, I'd shout.  And if you know me at all, you know that I'm not a yeller.  Nope.  Not my style.  Until it was.

You see, I'd be very subtle, coy, and clever with my abuse.  At worst, what I had to say would be delivered with a bit of a frown.  But most of the time, I said things with a straight and almost comforting look on my face.  The trick was to make sure my message sunk in.  That it took effect.  Deep beneath the surface.  Deep into the mind.  To be replayed.  Over and over.  And over again.  To have the second guessing start to repeat.  "Maybe he is right.  Maybe I did screw things up again."  Imagine having to live with that every day. 

And I did.  Because I was an abuser.  On a regular basis, I abused myself.

I abused myself physically, mentally, socially, emotionally, financially, and spiritually.  In part, it's what being a perfectionist will do to you.  It's what listening to and believing the lies of Satan will do to you.  I know, you don't believe in all that.  Well, just because you don't believe it doesn't make it any less true or him any less real.  For now, know this.  "Be alert and of sober mind.  Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." - 1 Peter 5.8

Like you, I bought into his lies and deceptions about, well, everything.  My life and every part of it.  One of the primary places he'd get me was with success.  That is, if I didn't attain a certain level of success, then I'd failed.  I'd beat myself up about it.  I'd abuse myself.  I'd allow him to do it as well.  I'd hold tightly to my secret failures.  Just like you.  I'd fight and temporarily escape.  I thought I was winning.  Just like you.  Only to have the next devastating blow knock me right out of the box.

Until that day.  One day.  When Jesus Christ set me free.  Truly free.  And in case you're wondering, I'd given my life to Christ decades before that day.  Surprise!  See, that's how I know you so well.  I was you!  

Until the day I decided to lay it all down and submit and relent, I was doomed to failure and living with secret failures.  I had some lessons to learn.  My old way of living, thinking, and believing had to become and--watch this--remain just that.  OLD!  As in, in the past.  Done.  Over.  I had to take God at His word when He said, "...as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." - Psalm 103.12.  And, "I, even I, am he who blots your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more." - Isaiah 43.25.  

It's time for you to do the same thing.  Ask the Lord to forgive you, because, "...if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness." - 1 John 1.9.  

You also need to forgive yourself.  That's right.  Forgive yourself for mistakes that you've made.  Forgive and move forward.  Don't let the same mistake beat you twice.  

You've also got to forgive some other folk as well.  Even if they're no longer here or in your life.  I know.  This one is hard and you just bristled up and tried to tune me out, but you're still reading.  Because you know it's true.  It's time to release them.  By way of releasing them, you'll be released.  You'll finally be able to truly live an abundant, full, and prosperous life.  The one you were made to live.  The best part about releasing them is this.  You'll be FREE!

Dr. Charles Stanley of InTouch Ministries has provided this next bit of advice for years.  If a person whose hurt you is no longer here or you don't know their whereabouts, this is what you do.  Get two chairs.  One is for you.  One is for that other person.  Have the conversation with them.  Tell them how much they hurt you.  Get it all out.  Then, forgive them.

I know.  That sounds a bit silly, doesn't it?  Until you do it and it works.  And before you ask, yes, I've done it.  A few times.  You may have to do it more than once too.  Do it.  Your life is worth it.  You're worth it.  The people who love you and those you love, they're worth it.  Because you know its had an impact on and is impacting them too, right?

I know that last one, forgiving those who've hurt and injured us, ain't simple or easy.  I also know that it must be done.  I know that this is an issue that is far deeper than can be tackled or handled in a single blog post.  That's why I didn't attempt to tackle or handle it in full.  Instead, I wanted to get you started off on the right foot to dealing with and handling it.  It's time.

It's time for you to stop abusing yourself with secret failures.  It's time for you to be at peace.  It's time for you to get set free.

If you're truly and finally ready to stop abusing yourself with secret failures and start leading and living your best life, I believe that I can help you.  Contact me.  

That Is Why It Must Be You!

Ok, y'all.  Watch this clip.  Then we'll get started.  I'll wait...  All done?  No?  Ok...  Ready?  Cool.  Let's go.  "Maximus, that is why it must be you!"  That's a powerful scene.  Imagine if you were General Maximus.  You haven't been home to see your family in years.  You're weary and worn.  You're also sworn to duty.  To honor and defend.  You've also got the ear of the most powerful man in the world.  Trade-offs.  There's some lessons in that phrase alone.  Hmmm...  We'll get to those, but for now, I want you to focus on what Marcus Aurelius says to Maximus after Maximus tells him that he does not accept Caesar's charge of becoming the protector of Rome after he dies.  He says, "Maximus.  That is why it must be you!"

That is why it must be you.

Just like Maximus, you've been charged.  You've got a charge to keep.  Whether you know it or not, you do.  See, you think no one wants to hear you.  False!  Not only do they want to hear you, but they also need to hear you.  You think, "Well, everything's been said."  Maybe.  But know this.  Your message is unique because it's yours and it's coming from you.  And there's not a single other person on this planet that can bring that message across like you.  There's a group of folk you've been called to that need your message.  They need you.  

That is why it must be you!

You think you don't have a voice.  Wrong!  It may have been squelched.  It may have been on pause.  Maybe for years.  But I assure you, dear reader, you have a voice.  It needs to be heard.  Your unique and special voice.  Called and sent for a specific group of folk.

That is why it must be you.

You think it's over.  They told you it was.  You know them.  That stuff.  Those things.  Them folk.  Flag on the play!  It ain't over, maaaaan!  It's only just begun.  Yes, I just went all Karen Carpenter on y'all!  It's only over when you quit.  As long as you're here, you've got a shot.  At whatever it is.  You hear me?!  You've got a shot!

That is why it must be you!

You still have a lil' belief left.  A lil' faith.  It might even be the size of a mustard seed.  Come close.  I've got a secret to tell you.  Closer.  Closer.  Can you hear me?  Are you listening?  Good.  All you need is a lil' faith to spark a blaze!  To spark the fire that burns within you.  To ignite the night with your passion.

That is why it must be you!

You've been told that you can't.  Why?  Because they couldn't?  Because they wouldn't?  Because they can't?  Chil' please!  Later for them.  You need to run as fast as you can in the opposite direction from them folk!  Here's the thing: You can!  Can what?  Can whatever!  Sure, you'll need some help.  You'll ask for it.  You'll get it.  You'll have to get a few PhDs, but you're ready, willing, and able to put in the work.  You're hungry!  Baby, you've got what it takes!

That is why it must be you!

You've been told that you'll never be anything.  That's cool.  Folk are entitled to their opinions.  No matter how wrong they are.  Don't you fight those tears.  Let 'em flow.  Let 'em fuel you.  That statement is a lie!  You'll be and become exactly who you're destined to be.  It's already in you.  Growing up, I'd see these posters that said, "I know I'm somebody, 'cause God don't make no junk!"  That's what I'm saying to you today.  You are something and somebody, 'cause God don't make no junk.

That is why it must be you!

You've been told that nothing good comes from (insert your city, town, school, neighborhood, family name here).  Funny.  I seem to remember something similar being said before.  That seemed to turn out pretty well.  And it will for you too.

That is why it must be you!

You've been called a failure.  To that I say two things.  The first is something we'd say as kids.  "Takes one to know one and I know you."  The second thing is this.  You are a failure.  Yep.  I said it.  'Cause you're about to Fail Ur way to victory!

That is why it must be you!

I don't know where you are.  I don't know why you're reading this.  I don't know how you stumbled upon my blog.  I don't know what's going on in your life.  I probably don't even know you.  And none of it matters.  Here's what does matter.  I know there's more for you.  I know there's more in you.  I know that you've been called to do great things!  I know there's greatness in you!  I know that it's time for what you've got to shine!  I know that it's time for you to move on up like George and Weezie!  I know that it's time for you to soar!  I know that you were made for this!  I know that you are built for this!

That is why it must be you!

I believe in you!  I know that you're ready to get in the car.  As the fire burns away the dross.  As the cleansing and healing rain washes away the miry clay.  As you strut past death and dead bones.  As you ascend unto and beyond the heights that you thought were impossible.  As you take your throne and restore your kingdom.  As you breathe new life.  I need you to know something.  You need to know that it is time.

That is why it must be you!

Rock On! Part 2

Iiiiiii’m baaaaaack!  Y'all miss me?  I missed you!  How’ve you been?!  Y’all ready for Part 2?  I'll warn you now, some of what I’m about to say is going to sound straight crazy.  It’ll even be foreign to some of you and that’s cool.  Still, stay with me.  Because…  “Yeah, Eric.  We know.  You’re going somewhere.”  My prized pupils.  You do listen to me after all.  Alright, now here we go.  

Here’s what I did after all that news today.  My day of deeply dented car doors and wack letters.  I knelt down in my Reaching Room (more on that in other posts, but you should have one too) and I cried out to God.  Expressing my love and gratitude for Him.  For his plan.  I expressed my trust in Him.  I said, “Lord, I know that none of this caught You off guard.  And although it’s new to me, I know that You’ve already got it worked out.”  After all, if I trust my life to this Cat—and I do—what’s a dented car door and a letter with some not so pleasant information?  Bigger Things, y’all. 

And aren’t I supposed to give thanks/be thankful in all circumstances (1 Thess. 5.18)?  Remind me to tell y’all how God rocked my life with that verse one day.  So, back to me being thankful in all circumstances.  Now, I’m not saying that I thanked Him for this.  Well, at least not with or in those words, but as I was praying, something strange started to happen.  This ain’t the strange part, but here’s what I did next.  I rebuked Satan and told him that this was a nice try but the old me is dead and this distraction that he’s thrown my way won’t work.  I hit him with a right cross of 1 John 4.4 and an uppercut of Philippians 4.19!  If you know me, you know that I don’t play when it comes to spiritual warfare, because it is not to be trifled in.  I suit up and I get after it!  I know you're wondering, "What's with the things God allows to happen in our lives?"  Good question.  Peep.  

 

Here’s the thing about what God allows in our lives.  See, if God allows something in our lives that means He’s ordained it.  That means it’s for our good (Note: I did not say it would feel good.).  Because He won’t allow anything that’s not going to help us grow and become more like His son, Jesus Christ.  If we respond the right way, He’ll get the glory for it and we’ll get the gain.  We’ll grow, y’all!  We’ll grow and become the persons He’s called us to be!  I mean, how cool is that?!  Ok, here’s the strange part.  I started to laugh.  Hysterically.  Uncontrollably.  And I was crying!  Cra.  Zy.  Wild, ain’t it, y’all?!  I was crackin’ up!  Now, I’m not going to get all deep and theological on y’all, but I started to understand something this evening.  I started to understand the term “tears of joy.”  Although I was crying, I was anything but sad.  I was encouraged!  I was excited!  I knew something was changing.  Something was different.  I laughed for many more minutes (say that fast 10 times).  Satan would have us be all down in the mouth and woe is me feeling and hiding in the bed under the covers and crying a different kind of tears than I cried today.  Trust me.  I’ve been there.  

Back then, it used to take me some time to come out of those funks.  Interesting, because I’d preach to other folk, “It’s ok to feel that way, you just can’t stay there.”  Aren’t we good at helping other folk, but awful at taking and applying our own advice, y’all?  Oh, so y’all are going to front on me and not raise your hands or nod your heads in agreement?  Ok.  That’s better.  If we’re going to be cool, y’all have to keep it real and be honest with me.  I’m doing and will do the same.  Cool?  Cool.  Back to my laughter.  I’m calling it Holy Laughter.  Yep.  I said it.  Sounds wild to me too.  It’s the only way I know how to describe it, because I had no reason to be laughing.  It was different than the kind of laughing we do when we hear funny jokes or we’re watching our favorite movies or TV shows.  I’ll tell y’all something else.  It felt good.  In fact, it was more than good.  It felt great.  I had (still have) complete peace about it all.  Why?  Because God’s in control.  Remember, I trust Him with my life.  Hello!  How can I not trust Him to provide me with the wisdom and necessary resources to handle this?  Chil’ please!  This ain’t nuttin’ but a ultraperm (Thank you, Eddie Murphy.).  My faith runs deep, y’all.  It has to, because I’ve got work to do. 

Y’all have more to say?  Cool.  What’s up?  “Thanks, Eric.  I dig what you’re sayin, but it sounds a little weird.  But, um, if a person wanted to, what could a person do to get like this or experience this?  Or at least get some understanding?  You know.  If a person wanted to.”  Well, if a person wanted to and said person doesn’t know who Jesus is, you’d start there.  Find out who He is.  Read about Him.  In the bible.  You know, it’s that dusty book that’s under your bed, on your bookshelf, in the dresser drawer or wherever you keep it.  It’s the one you break out when your Mama or Aunt or Bro. Johnson from the church you sometimes go to comes by to hang out.  A good place to start is in the Gospels.  Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.  Read them.  All of them.  After that, let’s talk.  Because once you’re done reading them, things may seem a wee bit different for you.  Around you.  In you.  You may find yourself feeling a bit differently.  Just like I was today.  But also just like me, you can find yourself laughing and being joyful in the midst of chaos.  All you’ve got to do is Rock On!